Standing Still

I find it very hard to stand still. Final relaxation during yoga is nearly impossible, unless I fall asleep. My mind is constantly going- which is why I'm happiest when I'm busy. I enjoy working, enjoy the feeling of being exhausted at the end of a long day. This summer I'm not working- which I was pretty excited about early on. I'm finding it's not as easy as it seems. I find that I can't just relax. I kind of bumble around my house, trying to find something to occupy myself. I look at the clock a lot. I do feel like I need to take advantage of this time. I want to get better at standing still. Of enjoying moments of peace. I want to get better at creating my own happiness.

I'm a chronic planner. I like every minute to be detailed a week in advance. My goal for the rest of August is to try to go with the flow a little more. Try to find what makes me happy in the moment, as opposed to planning out my happiness in great detail. I want to stop looking at the clock, waiting for Tom to get home, and just enjoy the afternoons as they come. Because come on, by the time September rolls around, I'll be missing these empty and free moments.

3 Months In

I love this picture. Look at Tom's face. This is exactly how I hoped he'd look when he saw me in my wedding gown for the first time. We have been married for 3 months. And marriage is good. I would like to say our relationship has grown or changed, but I think, for the most part being married is not much different from living together, unmarried. However, I think we both agree we feel more grown up. There is something about sharing a last name that makes me feel closer to him. I have my own family now, and that's a pretty good feeling.

Tom is not perfect. He loves to annoy me, say things to get a rise out of me, sit on the couch and watch sports for hours at a time. He leaves a thick layer of little hairs in the sink when he shaves. His clothes can never find their way to the hamper. His dishes always end up on the counter. But despite these minor imperfections, Tom is an amazing man, and for me, the ideal husband.

It took me a long time to find someone who could deal with my emotional outbursts. I still sleep with a bear. And sometimes a Google commercial can make me cry. He accepts me as I am. He pushes me to be the best I can be. He challenges my stubborn thoughts and encourages me to write. Tom may not be the most romantic man, but he tries to always give me what I need to be happy.

The wedding is over and sometimes I feel a void. I don't miss planning the big day but I do miss the anticipation. The excitement of looking forward to something that would ultimately change my life. This summer has been challenge. I'm not used to having so much free time to think. But I've been trying to practice more yoga, reflect often on what I want to change for next years teaching, and take better care of our home. I want to be more grateful and like always, live more in the moment.

I'm writing this for myself. However, if someone stumbles upon this blog maybe they will find a kindred spirit in me.